Pulling myself together and beginning to heal after such a hard year or two was no easy feet. It has taken a lot of baby steps. A lot of little decisions and little actions that finally led to a place where I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and hope on the horizon. And let me tell you something I have found to be 1000% true, healing isn’t linear and still things pop up that I have to work through but there are things I do to help me work through the process.
Now, if you’re reading this and you haven’t read the first couple of posts where I share my story in more detail, that would probably be helpful leading up to this post lol. Read “When Life Gives You Lemons” first and then “Learning to Pivot When Your World Falls Part” second.
Somewhere in the middle of trying to piece myself back together, I realized I wished I had something structured to guide me — not just encouragement, but actual steps. That’s eventually what led me to create When Everything Changes — the divorce recovery workbook I wish I’d had during those early rebuilding days. Something steady. Something honest. Something that helped me move forward one small decision at a time.
Let’s Have Some Real Talk For A Second About Baby Steps
Taking baby steps and not putting too much pressure on yourself to do too much at once is like offering a compassionate hand to guide yourself out of life’s toughest moments. These small, deliberate actions act as gentle reminders that progress doesn’t always have to be leaps and bounds. It’s about acknowledging the strength within you, even when it feels fragile. Each tiny stride forward, no matter how seemingly insignificant, contributes to the larger journey of healing and growth. Embracing baby steps allows you to build momentum gradually, fostering a sense of accomplishment that fuels your resilience.
So if you find yourself in a similar place as I was, be kind to yourself, take it one step at a time, and celebrate the courage it takes to move forward, no matter how small the movement may seem. You’ve got this!
My Baby Steps
I am going to share with you a list of things I did that helped me in this process. I am sharing them to give you ideas. Please remember, no two people are alike. What works for some may not work for others. So even if only a couple of these inspire or help in some way I consider that a win. Also, if you have some things you would like to add that has worked for you, please please please, share them in the comments at the end of this post.
- I worked on my self talk. The decline of my marriage and my “what felt like sudden” end of my marriage, led me down a path of horrible self talk and very little self worth. I quite literally was my own biggest bully. I have always struggled with how I felt about myself but when I lost my ability to have kids and the end of my marriage within a couple month span, I hit an all time low. But it’s really hard to move forward, let alone heal, when you’re talking shit about yourself every day. So I put a picture of little Jesse up on my bathroom mirror and asked myself, would I talk to her the way I am talking to myself right now? Every time I would start to say something negative to myself I would ask that question. Over and over and over. And the answer was always of course not. *This could also work with a picture of your child or children if you had them. Would you talk to them the way you’re talking to yourself?
- I went back to work. I have worked on and off during my 20 year marriage but for the couple of years I was able to stay home. But when my marriage ended and business was struggling it left me in serious need of my own income so I went back to work. I found an amazing place, with amazing people who have loved and supported me through the process. Also being out and around people was exactly what I needed to begin putting a smile on my face. It also gave me the means to move out and move into my very first place. It’s the first time I have lived alone in my entire life! I hope to talk more about this another time. 🙂
- I started getting out and doing things I loved. I began working out, hiking, camping, going to the ocean, spending time with friends. Anything that would get me out of the house, away from my ex, and filling my cup. I also began eating better and was able to lose some weight (I was 50+lbs overweight by the end of that second IVF cycle). For me that also helped in growing my confidence.
- I stopped trying to understand. At the end of the day, you’ll never have all the answers. And healing after divorce means stop trying to understand. Healing after going through something devastating like miscarriage and ultimately infertility starts with letting go. Why did he make that choice? Why couldn’t he love me the way I needed? How could he do that? How could my body fail me? Why me? Why is this all happening at the same time? On and on the questions can go. And you might get some answers… some might even make sense. Some things happen and they will never make sense. There are literally no answers to be had. And you don’t want to get stuck coming up with your own… that’s a very dangerous game, especially if you aren’t in a great state of mind. So after a month or two of going round and round.. I just decided to let go. Honestly, understanding isn’t necessary. Understanding doesn’t even matter. What matters is that it’s over. It is what it is. Now it matters how I move forward. When you can let go and release the other person or situation… I think that was one of the biggest shifts I felt and weight lifted off my shoulders. Acceptance is a beautiful (yet painful) thing but it paves way for freedom and healing. Resistance will only keep you stuck.
- I did 30 days of self-reflection questions. I am not always the most consistent person but for 30 days I asked myself a question and journaled. I only missed one evening in all those 30 days… and it was transforming. I began to work through my thoughts, feelings, and started thinking about who I wanted to be and what I might like my life to look like moving forward. This was huge and truly transformational for me. I have been working on putting together a list of self-reflection questions for you if you think that might be something that would help. You can find it on the Tools and Resources page… *Each night I would look through the list of questions and pick whichever one stood out to me in the moment and go from there.
- I didn’t try to go at it alone. I have been open and honest with my loved ones, both family and friends. I didn’t try to go through it alone. At the end of the day, community is what matters most in life. Letting people help and support, or even just give a little encouragement on a rough day, I believe this is what we were created to do for one another. Let me tell you, asking for help when I need it is not easy but looking back, it really blessed me. And it also cultivated the most beautiful tribe of people that a girl could ask for. I believe we bond in our brokenness so if you’re going through hard things. Reach out, connect with people, whether it’s people you already have in your life or with us, Fearless Femme. We don’t want you to ever feel alone on this journey.
Find out how to get connected with Fearless Femme here.
There are probably more things I could talk about regarding implementing baby steps to heal after divorce or after something devastating happens but this is a good start… and honestly this post is long enough as it is lol. So we’ll call it for today. Thank you for following along. I look forward to connecting with you!
For additional support, encouragement, and tools I genuinely love, visit our Recommended Resources & Favorite Things page — created to help you grow with intention.
P.S. Rebuilding doesn’t happen overnight. If you need a guided place to start, When Everything Changes offers step-by-step prompts to help you move from overwhelmed to grounded.
